Its a Funny Old Game

2006-07-09T23:08:00.000+01:00

Rapha v Wayne No Contest
In the red corner Wayne Rooney born Liverpool 24th October 1985 in the blue corner Raphael Nadal born Manacor Mallorca June 3rd 1986 let battle commence. I’ve always been told that you have to earn respect through your actions and how you treat people. Unfortunately it appears more and more that respect is heaped on people who quite obviously don’t deserve it. Take the tale of two 20 year olds both millionaires already both tipped to reach the very top of their chosen professions. Wayne lives in a big house up north appears regularly on the front pages of the less than intellectual press as does his girlfriend who likes to spend his money like its going out of fashion. Put a football at Wayne’s feet and he can win you the game. Unfortunately though if he loses his temper he’s equally likely to stamp on the private parts of any passing Portuguese defender and throw his boots down like a spoilt four year old who’s been refused another plate of jelly. He regularly hurls abuse at officials and is defended by his manager who thinks its all because he’s young. Rapha is a quiet boy although he can show his emotions on a tennis court. His world centres around his family and his racket, he spends most of the year away from home staying in hotel rooms with only his Uncle for company. Like everyone he gets his fair share of tough breaks but he gets his head down and gets on with it. He desperately wants to win but when he comes up short he’s the first to applaud his opponent and is happy to sign autographs for those who idolise him. He is serious at times being pedantic about the way he arranges his water bottles while he’s working but always says thank you when a ball boy gives him his towel. Rapha is one of the world’s most eligible bachelors but is never upset when the press speculates about his love life. He just tells them he wants to meet a nice girl from his hometown and has no intention of getting involved with anyone remotely famous. Now run yourself a little scenario. You are a proud parent one of your children comes to you with a school project. They have been asked to write 100 words on a sports personality that they respect. Your child comes to you wearing an England shirt with the word Rooney written on the back they have never seen a tennis court and Wimbledon means nothing to them apart from Wombles. Do you let them get on with it and write the inevitable eulogy to Wayne or do you take them to one side and tell them about Rapha? After all its all a matter of respect isn’t it?

2006-07-09T22:39:00.000+01:00

Justice But No Respect
Zinedine Zidane greatest player of his generation turned mindless thug, the date July 9th 2006 the place The Olympic Stadium Berlin. The fact that Italy went on to win the trophy for a fourth time was at least justice on the night. Lets be honest is there anyone apart from the most biased citizen of Paris who could have stood to have seen Zidane lift the trophy after his assault on Marco Materazzi. That disgraceful moment deserved all it got but it shouldn’t be forgotten that Italy were far from innocent throughout the tournament. When Fabio Grosso stepped up to take the deciding penalty every Australian must have turned away in disgust as the player who conned a penalty by falling over Lucas Neil proved World Cup winner. Thus ended a competition that was immaculately organised by the efficient Germans who proved hospitable and sometimes humorous hosts. It’s a shame most of the world’s so called great footballing nations took advantage by producing in competition in which cheating was the deciding factor. Even quality players like Thierry Henry were not exempt from the disease that seemed to spread through the tournament. Graham Poll’s three card trick was light relief compared to most things that went on. Portugal took diving to such an art form that surely they will rule from the springboard in the next Olympics. Players stayed down when they had nothing more serious than a hang nail as soon as they realised they could stop the flow of the game whenever they wanted. Come dancing ensued inside every penalty area at set pieces shirts being tugged to the limit and not one referee had the nerve to punish the offenders. Players falling as if being picked off from the crowd by a high velocity rifle regularly fooled officials, while every challenge was greeted by imaginary card waving. After all that perhaps Zidane’s reaction was symbolic of what had gone before, perhaps we should be thankful that Mr Ericsson’s ineptitude successfully kept England out of most of it. An ill-tempered juvenile centre forward and a complete lack of tactics aren’t always such a bad thing. So where does the less than beautiful game go from here? Has win at all costs finally ruined everything? Somebody needs to wake up and smell the roses or major competitions will be tainted forever. Unfortunately cynicism has even spread to the emerging African nations as Togo showed by casting doubt over their participation if their FA didn't come up with more cash. In the end you have to feel sorry for the Germans. The whole thing was like that time when as a kid you invited your mates round for a party when your parents went away and instead of showing you any respect they trashed the place. Anyone going to invite Zidane to their next get together?

2006-06-10T16:34:00.000+01:00

Footballs Coming Home??

So its finally underway after much hype and artists impressions of Wayne Rooneys foot in a scanner. Game one and a whole German crowd are singing "Footballs Coming Home" in English!! We then get a German national team who look exciting going forward but can't defend. Conclusive proof already then that the world really has gone mad. Plenty of off the wall comments to mention though like the Radio Five Live pundit who presumably with a straight face said "I think the Ivory Coast could be the tournaments dark horses." Clive Tylseley deserves special praise for his description of the Polish central defenders Bak (pronounced Bonk) and Jop sounding like a couple of childrens entertainers. It was good to see in the second half of that match Ecuador fought back by bringing on the superbly named Goerge Wauwau. Englands win over Paraguay didn't impress Ian Wright who pondered on how far they would go in the competition if the manager made anymore "mental substitutions". A reaction to Michael Owen's withdrawal after only 55 mins.

Beckham Count after Paraguay Game: 23 you knows
The skipper warming up there for an attempt on his own World record 36 talking to Garth Crooks after Brazil beat England in Japan 2002. Surely by now if you'd heard enough of Garth's totally unitelligable questions you'd realise he definitely doesn't know!!

2006-04-11T23:24:00.000+01:00

No Excuses
On most Saturdays you could find my Granddad hunched over a copy of the Daily Mirror. When he’d completed his research he headed for the local bookies with a plan that if it came off would ensure his instant retirement into a life of luxury. Granddad was a humble electrician who never owned a car but always had a dream. There was probably his equivalent in most families of the time. He never gambled with more than a couple of quid because if he wasted anymore he’d have to answer to Grandma, and believe me you didn’t want to go there. So what’s the point of that little bit of family history you may ask. Well when I heard that Wayne Rooney was alleged to owe £700,000 in gambling debts it was Granddad who sprung instantly to mind. I’d hope most people would agree that a couple of quid on a Saturday is vastly different from squandering more money than many people will see in a lifetime. Yes as some media pundits have pointed out it is relative to the ludicrous amounts our pampered superstars are paid but that still doesn’t make it right. If Rooney was a civil servant there would be a massive public outcry over such a waste of public money. In effect of course his wages still come from the public. It’s the fans who go through the turnstiles at Old Trafford and wear his name on their backs who foot the bill. Put yourself in their shoes for a minute. You work 40 hours a week you have a wife and kids a mortgage and you save up to occasionally watch your team play at home as a real treat. How must you feel if you then see your hard-earned cash used to fuel a bored 20-year-olds gambling habit. You may respect their ability but shouldn’t respect be a two way street?
It must really come down to greed after all if you are already earning that much money why on earth do you need to gamble in the first place? Perhaps boredom is the answer when you’ve bought everything you could ever want and even her indoors has run out of options what do you do. Perhaps deep down our Wayne is embarrassed by the amount of cash that is thrown in his direction. Then again that’s probably wishful thinking to the extreme! As the former England boss Graham Taylor once said "how do you motivate eleven millionaires?" All those years ago Granddad had a dream of a better life surely those already living the dream have no excuses.

2006-04-10T23:02:00.000+01:00

This Card Comes To You From Radox Perfect For An Early Bath!
Is it me or does April Fools Day not have the same meaning as it used to. A few years ago you picked up a paper or watched the news just waiting for that inventive story. I can remember my mother in law falling for a particularly fine one in the 1990’s. Knowing that I was covering the boat race for local radio she was quick to phone me and let me know that according to The Times this year it would be taking place on the Serpentine! Its fairly rare that sport plays a part in these jolly japes which is why a little story on the Non League Daily website caught my eye. As far as I know it only appeared on April 3rd perhaps a joke in itself as the following day the news that from next season red and yellow cards shown by referees would be sponsored had disappeared. A pity because it was one of those storeys that leaves you thinking it might sound daft but in these strange times it could just be true. I can imagine John Motson on Match of the Day producing the line "and that red card for Rooney was produced in conjunction with Mars the sweet that helps you work rest and play!". Of course sponsors would probably ask for extra sized cards so their names could be read from the back of the stand. Referees would also need some guidance the "flashers" who produce a card so quick it becomes a blur before its back in their pocket would be of little use. The best exponent would surely be the "flourisher" who waves his cards around as if showing off a newborn baby to the crowd. The old referee Roger Milford, he of the immaculate Barnet, was a particularly fine exponent of this art. The other question that comes to mind is would there be different rates for yellows and reds. A difficult one this, yellows appear more often so you’d get more exposure for your money but reds have more impact and are probably subject to more action replays. Ok so I’ve got carried away with something that hopefully will never happen. You only have to look back to the 1950’s and 60’s though to realise then it was unthinkable to have sponsors names on shirts so who knows what might occur in the next decade. After all referees already have their shirts sponsored by Emirates? While we’re on the subject of April Fools the other news story that made me sit up and take notice was the announcement by the Italian Police that Arsenal fans going to Turin were likely to be attacked with missiles! Call me old-fashioned here but aren’t the boys in blue supposed to at least have a go at stopping things like that? In comparison sponsored red cards sounds positively sane to me.

2006-03-14T17:04:00.000Z

There’s Only One Dick Duckworth

So with Sven disappearing over the German horizon the debate about his successor has got into full swing. Should an Englishman get the job? Should we go for another foreigner with a big CV? Whatever the achievements of the man who assumes Mr Eriksson’s seat on the bench one thing is certain he will probably never have heard of Dick Duckworth. Strange really as Dick’s place in history is already assured as the only manager to manage two teams playing in the same game. After a long-playing career York City was Duckworth’s first managerial appointment in the football league. He had been there just over two years when he was head hunted by Stockport County. After much negotiation the board at York decided to let their man go and a date of 22nd October 1952 was arranged for his contract to be cancelled. Stockport were quite happy and looked forward to their new man taking the reigns on the same day. Neither board presumably bothered to look at the fixture list and when somebody did they finally discovered that Dick’s last game in charge of York was against Stockport. Yes and you’ve guessed it his first game in charge of Stockport was in the same match! If that wasn’t pressure enough for our man at the time York were third in the table and pressing for promotion. So Dick was left to ponder whether he wanted to impress his new employers or give his old team something to remember him by. In the end he gave 18 year old Dave Dunmore his debut at centre forward for York and the teenager obliged as his old team overwhelmed his new team 3-0 with all the goals coming in the opening half-hour. Quite how he managed the half time team talk or which dug out he sat in has never been recorded. Although you can only feel sad that he wasn’t subject to the whole ground shouting "Duckworth Duckworth give us a wave!" At least at the end he only had to shake hands with himself and not wind up his opposite number like a certain Mr Mourinho. Unfortunately for Dick his four years at Stockport were never that eventful again although when he did arrive he found the squad at each others throats. Four years later the team had held down a mid table position in Division Three North. His next club Darlington suffered the same fate although you’ll be pleased to know the board had by then learned their lesson and didn’t make him repeat his two teams one manager trick. Duckworth did though go on to achieve another feat which no one has come close to since. In his football league swan song he took Scunthorpe United to within five points of a place in the then First Division in 1962. So if you ever hear a manager exclaim, "this job is too much for one man" spare a thought for the great Dick Duckworth the only manager in football who proved he could be in two places at the same time.

2006-02-13T19:18:00.000Z

Poison Chalice or Honour?
So Sven has finally told us what many had already guessed after the World Cup everyone’s favourite Swede will pack his bags and vacate FA Towers. The world of club management will no doubt beckon along with a chairman willing to pay big bucks no matter what happens to our gallant boys in Germany. That means that even before we’ve started the build up to June the situations vacant column at Lancaster Gate has a new addition. I bet the recruitment consultants couldn’t wait for that one: Wanted manager with plenty of experience hide of a buffalo, good tactical brain, ability to keep off the front pages surrounded by Swedish weather girls an advantage! So why has the top job become in the eyes of many such a poison chalice? Well I suppose some of the previous post holders have hardly helped themselves. Amazingly behind Sir Alf Ramsey the England boss with the best win percentage is Glen Hoddle. His surreal outburst in 1999 costing him any chance of going to the top of the pile. With a percentage of just 38% Kevin Keegan can lay claim to the title of least successful England manager of all time his lack of tactical awareness making it all the more amazing he was appointed in the first place. Of course wayward personalities have been relatively rare as the FA’s refusal to appoint Brian Clough was seen as a sign for years that forthright views are not always the best quality for landing the job. One manager who was too forthright on camera was Graham Taylor. A great example of what pressure can do to someone who outside the confines of the game is a normal, witty, charming man. It may surprise you to know that on win percentage alone Bobby Robson is left trailing in 6th place despite his heroics in Italia 90. Strangely third behind Ramsey and Hoddle comes the late Ron Greenwood. Perhaps a throwback to a bye-gone era of moral standards Greenwood was a real gentleman. He had an encyclopaedic knowledge of the game and after the final whistle sounded did nothing more outrageous than go home for a cup of cocoa with the Mrs. Oh that the next candidate in these footballers wives times could be allowed to be so simple. So who will accept the task in hand of becoming England’s 14th manager since Sir Walter Winterbottom took over from the selection committee in 1946? In terms of experience you need to ask a few questions. Has an English manager ever won the Premiership, answer no. The last one to win the league, answer Howard Wilkinson. That doesn’t leave the FA with much to play with as the name of Martin O’Neil continues to sound around the corridors of power. A fiercely private man who turned his back on the game to care for his sick wife perhaps he will prove the answer. Whoever gets the nod though lets hope the media for once give them a chance. Remember Sir Alf lost his opening two games and look what he achieved.

2006-01-11T13:32:00.000Z

2006 What a Year!

With another year just starting and cream eggs already being advertised on the telly here’s a look at some of the news story’s we could all be talking about come next December!

January: There is a probe into transfer dealings in the Premiership after a top ten side sign a British player during the January window.

February: Officials at the Winter Olympics are shocked by a last minute British entry in the Men’s Luge. When interviewed 38-year-old Paul Gascoigne replied that hurtling down a mountain on a tin tray at 100mph was a lot easier than trying to manage Kettering Town.

March: Wigan win the League Cup by a walk over after Manchester United’s youngsters have to withdraw because they are frightened of the dark.

April: Mascot Idol the national competition to choose England’s World Cup Mascot ends in uproar as the public vote by a massive majority for Torquay hotel owner Basil “ Don’t mention the war” Fawlty.

May: Chaos ensues at the Cup Final as thousands of fans are locked out of the newly completed stadium because the builders have lost the key to get in. A mystery man on a white horse saves the day by charging the turnstiles giving free entry to a crowd of 150,000 as Bolton beat West Ham 2-0.

June: England’s World Cup hopes are ruined when Wayne Rooney is injured by a rampaging mob of German toddlers at the Premiere of the movie Shrek 3. Rooney’s replacement Peter Crouch lasts just 5 minutes of their Semi Final before receiving severe concussion after walking into the crossbar. Germany beat Brazil on penalties in the Final.

July: Impressed with the performance of England mascot Basil Fawlty Russian billionaire Ivor Roubles announces his plan to take Torquay United to the Champions League in 5 years and immediately signs David Beckham from Real Madrid.

August: Boxing promoter Frank Warren signs up Arsene Wenger and Jose Mourinho to open the new Emirates Stadium with a contest over 10 rounds.

September: Manchester United boss Alex Ferguson is rushed to hospital for tests after being polite to a journalist at a post match press conference.

October: Sky announce plans for their new Football show Breakfast with the Premiership. Four games a month will be broadcast live with 7:30am kick offs the company denies rumours that it will be using paid extras to fill the empty stadium seats.

November: Under the terms of the Premiership’s new handicapping scheme Chelsea return from an all expenses paid 3 month break in Barbados and beat Wigan 12-0 in their first game of the season.

December: Harry Rednapp announces his intention to quit football and take his place in a production of Dick Whittington at the Winter Gardens in Southampton that stars local football club chairman Rupert Lowe as Baron Hardup

2005-12-19T22:46:00.000Z

So This Is Xmas

Not much chance for your average league footballer to be tucking into the mince pies or whatever our array of foreign Premiership stars eat over the festive season as the fixture list reaches one of its most congested stages. Most managers will say they never start to look at the league tables until Christmas. A quick glance this year will tell you that you don’t want to be Mick Mcarthy. It seems its going to take more than Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Rudolph to pull his Black Cats back into contention. Then again the decision at the other end of the table looks just as clear cut I would wager a small bet you wouldn’t have found Roman Abramovich shoving any notes up the chimney on Christmas Eve. Apart from being assured of the title he must be a real nightmare to buy a present for. What do you give the man with everything? At least Sir Alex Ferguson won’t have to worry about sacks of cards arriving from his friends in the press. That 74-second press conference saw to that. They may like to build you up to knock you down but as many a fine manager has found it’s a far easier life if you keep on the right side of them. Two more seasonal greetings that are unlikely to have crossed in the post are those from Mr Wenger of Highbury and Mr Mourinho of the Kings Road. Season of goodwill or not if those two pulled a cracker they’d probably spend until New Years Eve arguing over who got the paper hat! At least we know Christmas is in good tasteful hands with the news that Wayne Rooney’s girlfriend spent a cool £50,000 on lights for their house. That should please the national grid. Wouldn’t it be tempting if you were the man with the switch just to arrange a very localised power cut. Then again you would endure the wrath of the nations under 10’s who recently voted United’s wonder boy a place above Jesus in a poll for the most famous person of all time. Thankfully the meaning of Christmas wasn’t completely lost as they had the sense to put God at number one. Another thing we should be thankful for is that unlike most years the fixture computer doesn’t seem to have had too much festive spirit. Local derbies are back on the agenda. But just to prove you cannot please all of the people all the time spare a thought for fans of Swansea and Wycombe. Any Welshmen who are planning to make the trip to Brentford for a 1 o’clock kick off surely deserve a medal while Wanderers fans are off to the English Riviera hoping to arrive in Torquay by 3pm. I’m sure Basil Fawlty would have had something to say about that one. With all that said though Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a match. I know the chance to escape the Mother in laws party and spot some Christmas jumpers on the terraces has always made it my favourite time of year!!
Merry Xmas!!

2005-11-29T13:07:00.000Z

Testimonial or Legacy

What a great idea whoever decided to interrupt the minutes silence at league grounds in tribute to George Best by bursting into spontaneous applause. Instead of a sombre mood it was a fitting gesture of celebration of a great talent it also ruined the day of the mindless minority who think their voices are more important than showing respect. The only question that remains is what will be done as a lasting memorial. Usually footballers have statues erected, parts of grounds or entire stadiums named after them. Would that really be fitting in this case. George Best the flawed genius had two very separate sides. On one hand the greatest football talent this country may ever see, on the other the young man given too much fame and fortune who was intent on his own self destruction. To celebrate the former a statues may be enough but what about the later. Celebration is surely not the right word maybe we should try prevention. There can be no better memory than to set up some form of trust that works to do exactly what George himself failed to do. He was not the first footballer to go off the rails and he certainly won't be the last whose life will end in such a sorry way. Why not then put his memory towards preventing young players going the same way that would have a lot more effect than a crafted lump of bronze outside Old Trafford or a name plate on a stand.

Its ironic that his death came the day after Britain had its first major change in licensing laws since the First World War. Whatever your views on all day drinking Best’s memory should at least make people stop and think before they head to the bar. Tony Adams the former Arsenal and England defender is another good example having decided to try to help young pro’s stay out of his footsteps. Anyone who has read his very frank book Addicted will quickly realise the life style he chose was far from glamorous in the end. With the amount of money involved giving our heroes more spending power than ever before the route to self-destruction is an easy path to follow. George Best retired at 27 think what he could have achieved with the work ethic of a Thierry Henry. Not only have we lost a mesmerising player we also lost years of experience and ability to pass on the tricks of the trade to future generations. So lets by all means remember those six stunning goals against Northampton, the glory of the 1968 European Cup Final but also put to good use a life that could have produced so much more.

2005-11-26T23:35:00.000Z

Gone But Never Forgotten

2005-11-25T17:43:00.000Z

Goodbye

So it's goodbye Bestie a great talent that bought pleasure to millions but ultimately ruined the man. We'll never see your like again if only you'd realised what talent you had.
RIP

2005-11-20T16:43:00.000Z

Men in Tights!!!

It happens every year, suddenly the weather turns the temperature drops and the de-icer sales give Halford's a pre Christmas bonus. Yes I admit it I'm the first one to reach for the big coat and the gloves as it can be freezing sitting in the stand. Of course not everyone shares my fear of all things arctic. At a recent match spotted behind the goal was the now obligatory man with no shirt. the temperature at the time was two degrees but our hero thought nothing of standing watching his team bare from the waist up. Now there are some people that would no doubt provide a very pleasant distraction in that state so why is it that at football all we get is the kind of figure which performs its own Mexican wave every time it moves. They must breed them hard up north is all I can say this soft southerner will have five layers on until March!!

On the pitch things used to be different. I can remember thinking nothing of sliding through a white pitch in pursuit of an orange ball. Now of course we are treated to an array of foreign superstars all wearing gloves surely it won't be long before one of them turns up in a balaclava. Already some have committed the greatest sin, putting on a pair of tights. It’s rumoured of course that some starts are familiar with donning the odd bit of women's underwear but that’s another story. Tights are used entirely for their thermal qualities in this case.

Many think that John Barnes has a lot to answer for but the history of Men In Tights goes back even further. The first documented footballer to turn up in a pair of 15 dernier was Keith Weller. Worried by the winter conditions that had already led to one postponement Weller emerged for an FA Cup tie against Norwich in 1979 wearing white tights. Ignoring the ribbing from the crowd he scored in Leicester’s 3-0 win and a fashion statement was born. Of course as far as strange attire goes there is no one to match the Bulgarian keeper Borislav Mihailov. Early in the 1994 World Cup our Boris appeared as bald as a peanut a custodian very much in the Barthez mould. In his next match in the competition our man had been transformed into a member of Status Quo his long flowing locks even fooling his own team mates. It turns out he had bought a hairpiece company and was modelling one of his own products. Things went OK until the excessive heat in the quarterfinal against Mexico caused his rug to slip causing him to feign injury so he could adjust his barnet!! I wonder if Keith Weller ever took time out to pull his tights up??

2005-11-13T22:33:00.000Z

Getting The Bird
I get confused picking up the papers these days, there was a time when I headed straight for the back pages but now you are just as likely to find plenty of sports stars hogging the main headlines. Unfortunately most of the stuff that goes on the front page tends to drag our game further into the myrrh. To be fair to a large number of professional footballers we rarely hear what they do when they leave the training ground. Mostly they spend their spare time doing nothing more controversial than surfing the World Wide Web or taking the dog for a walk. Perhaps in that respect times haven’t changed as much as we think. If you go back 50 years you’ll find the average professional was a home loving family man who spent most of his spare time playing with the kids. A recent purchase from e-bay was the 1957-58 Charles Buchan Football Annual and within its pages we see Aston Villa’s Stan Lynn posing proudly behind son Eric and daughter Janet in a scene straight out of The Walton’s. Granted further down the page there is a rather unnerving picture of Bill Ponton and Jimmy Scoular of Newcastle sharing a bath but I’m sure that’s a story for another day. Both are part of a series called "Far From The Roaring Crowd" in which stars of the day are pictured at home. Not all of them though were quiet family men for some it appears that was a little too reckless. Fulham’s Eddie Lowe for instance is shown putting stamps into one of his many albums, evidently he had a collection of over 4,000 stamps at the time. Now I once heard tell of Southampton’s Matt Le Tissier being spotted playing Bingo but even that seems a bit radical for our Ernie. He though I’m afraid only comes second in the strange hobby stakes because beneath him on Page 131 is pictured Doncaster’s Eddie McMorran. A tough tackling Irish international who had quite a reputation while playing for Leeds. I’m sure though not many who faced up to our Jim knew his secret. When he left the training ground his hobbies were woodwork and breeding budgies! In fact the picture even shows him and his wife Muriel trying to teach one of their feathered friends to talk. Strangely Jim wasn’t the only fifties footballer with a budgie fixation as on Page 142 we see Jimmy Dudley of West Bromwich Albion with Pip the budgie perching on his finger. Before you ask we will never know if it was one of Jim’s! There is though amazingly another link between football and budgies in the shape of former Rangers manager Bill Struth who legend has it shared his office with a budgie that flew in through the window one day and decided to stay. Contract negotiations in his office must have been interesting as not only was his feathered friend present but also the managers collection of bones. Evidently he was so obsessed with all things medical he followed his players into the operating theatre to observe proceedings. Now compared to that having a budgie as your assistant seems totally normal!!

2005-11-13T22:22:00.001Z

Does Every Bad Boy Deserve a Second Chance?
Could there have been a more unlikely managerial appointment than Paul Gascoigne’s arrival at Kettering Town? Yes he of the false breasts and the world cup tears suddenly in charge of the dressing room at the age of 38. Talent undoubted wasted definitely; perhaps he’s the perfect man to keep his squad on the straight and narrow. After all he must surely know all the tricks of the trade. With the greatest of respect Kettering is hardly a glamour spot in the football world but I suppose everyone has to start somewhere. Evidently even Gazza’s squad were a little sceptical about his appointment when he phoned them some put the receiver down believing it was a prank. It’s certainly for real though as was shown by a 2,000 crowd four times the average and a 1-0 win over Droylsden. While Gascoigne has grabbed all the headlines his choice of assistant might show he is smarter than people may think. During his time at Arsenal Paul Davis was a cultured midfielder who one red mist moment when he broke the jaw of Southamptons Glen Cockerill on video apart, always came across as a thinking mans footballer. He could prove the perfect foil for the former Geordie hero. History is not on Gazza’s side though as footballs bad boys have never had much success when put into the managerial hot seat. Yes so Graham Souness and Mark Hughes have made it to the Premiership but they weren’t in Gazza’s league when it came to football high jinks. As George Best lies seriously ill in a hospital bed while most of today’s foreign stars are safely tucked up in theirs real characters are few and far between these days. Best is a great example of how a special talent can lead to a horrible trail of self-destruction. Gazza at least is trying to break the cycle quite whether it will work out only time will tell. To his credit he’s taking a big chance following in the footsteps of the likes of Diego Maradona whose failure to make the grade as a manager in his native Argentina has seen him spiral closer and closer to destruction. I also hope that along with their search for the publicity it all will bring, Kettering at least give him a fair crack of the whip. You feel the real test is likely to come a few months down the line on a rainy night in Northwich when the team don’t fancy it and the excitement of having one of England’s most talented as their boss has worn off. That’s when we’ll tell if Gazza really learnt anything from the likes of Bobby Robson and Terry Venables. Lets hope for his sake it’ll be serious team talks that will do the business not nights out with the lads.